I love coaches. Life coaches. Business coaches. My coaching colleagues from Duke. (Shout-out)
Did you know Oprah has four coaches? Yes, 4.
If I had my druthers, I’d choose a Life Coach, Business Coach, Parenting Coach and Health Coach, myself. Oh, and maybe a spiritual coach too. So, 5. Yes, maybe I would have 5 coaches. 🙂
In the spirit of how much I value coaching, I worked with an intuitive business coach for three sessions in recent weeks, and also recently had an intro session with a new coach. And what I noticed about myself in these four sessions has completely changed the way I am moving forward with my life.
Coaching is for sharing fears, yes. Without sharing your doubts, your worries, your concerns, your fears- the things that keep you up at night, it can be all surface level work. And that won’t go as deep, and change won’t be as profound. So, yes, it’s important to share fears.
It’s important to be real and authentic, or you simply won’t get as much out of the coaching experience
as you could have.
With that in mind, I shared my heart. Doubts about this, worries about that. I let some scarcity mentality slip through as well.
There are things we know logically and things we know by faith. I walk in faith most of the time, but I am human too. I’m fallable and I have fears.
The reason I kept sharing my fears is because 1) they kept surfacing in my life and 2) I kept thinking that I could get to the root of them. That with each new conversations I would uncover some hidden thought pattern, undo it and live happily ever after. It seemed to be working, but then the next session was the same.
More fears, more yuck feelings, some temporary relief and then repeat.
It wasn’t until I had this 4th session recently that I had a big realization. You see, I had a really unfulfilling session with a new coach. It happens. Every coach has their own style, their own skill set.
This coach and I ultimately did not jive. But the reason I knew that was because 1) I did not feel heard 2) the coach talked more about their opinion and advice than finding out what would work for me and 3) nothing felt insightful or remotely resolved or forward-moving.
I left the call feeling very unsettled, unheard and as though I’d been given a homework assignment that I never asked for (to read books I didn’t ask about).
At the end of this call, I realized that I had unwittingly spent 4 entire sessions doing nothing but sharing fears. Oh, I didn’t call them fears all the time. Isn’t it interesting how the ego does this? How it veils fear by calling it ‘reality’ or ‘truth’ or ‘what is’ or something equally true-sounding but opposite of love and faith and real truth.
Yesterday, I booked a 5th call with a new coach. Someone who has heard what I have said, and reflected that many times.
I booked this call because I decided that I was done talking about what needed to be solved. I was done talking about my deepest fears. I was done talking about anything that was remotely not appearing to work out. I was done comparing myself to others. I was done doubting my message or my vision. I was done.
Now, I’ve decided… Now is the time to spend devoting my coaching sessions to all that is good and right and well. I will talk about my vision. I will begin to describe it in general emotional terms, in specific steps. I will talk with gratitude in my heart about its unfolding. I will paint a picture that I’ll carry in my mind’s eye of the reach this work will have. I will find evidence for why everything is working out. I will celebrate each new connection, each new colleague, each new client, each new idea, each new step. I will begin to more fully step into my greatness – what I am destined for. And that will make all of the difference.
Isn’t it interesting how we accidentally get trapped into the ‘fix the problem’ mode sometimes – even when we know better. Even with all of my gratitude practices, meditations and prayers, I too still fall in that trap on occasion.
Yet, isn’t it wonderful to realize how being mindful of what we are saying and doing can bring us back to the here and now and allow us to adjust course.
That is something we all want and deserve – to be able to adjust course.
You can pivot the second you realize what you are doing.
So, go ahead and share your fears when you believe it is needed. There is value to it. It can lay the foundation for moving forward.
But don’t hang out there. Don’t allow the focus to become ‘fixing’ doubt or worry. Use what you already know.
The knowledge that thoughts become things. The awareness that your vibration draws more to you of the same likeness.
I shared my deepest fears and I was vulnerable. I think it is brave to do so. And I welcome that if you want to share your story with me. But let’s not hang out there too long. I cannot wait to start with my new coach…. Building out the vision for what’s to come in the next years of my life.
Thank you for being a part of it.
Sending you love,
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